• Nandini Goel

WHAT SHOULD BE THE REAL REASONS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

If you're a person who needs to be in a relationship, have you ever thought of why? We tend to figure out all the reasons for the things we wish to do and don’t. Once it involves love, what we may do may or may not be reasonable. Actually, there are two completely different reasons for wanting a relationship. The first concerns to what you would like to get, and also the second relates to what you would like to learn and share.



Wanting a relationship to get:


If you ask people that why they need a relationship, several things can be said like:

· I want somebody to love me to make me feel special and worthy.

· I don't wish to be alone and lonely any longer.

· I want to have my own kids.

· I want to feel safe and secure.


What they may not say outright is:


· Fill the empty place inside them.

· Complete them. They hope that their partner can provide them what they're not giving to themselves and what they may not have received as youngsters.

· Make them feel taken care of mentally, financially and/or sexually.

You might be thinking, "Aren’t these the explanations why everybody needs a relationship?” But my question is, emotionally and profoundly, why we should be in a relationship if not to be loved, cherished, felt special, safe and secure? What is the purpose of a relationship if to not to fill your emptiness, remove loneliness and feel okay about oneself?"

There is one more very important reason that why a person wants to be in a relationship.



Wanting a Relationship to Heal, Learn and Share Love


The other reason for being in a relationship stems from the actual fact that relationships are the foremost fertile ground for learning about what’s unhealed in us, and find a scope to heal. Most people have baggage from childhood that we supply in our primary relationship - like fears of rejection and fears of engulfment. These fears typically get compete out with a partner that offers us a chance to find out something new and heal from the issues we’re dealing from a long time. Relationship is the roadmap to private growth!


In a relationship, it seems like you’ll learn about your partner, but at the same time, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. You’ll learn about your personality. You will know how you act with someone else, or how considerate you are, or how receptive you’re to someone’s feelings. You might learn about some good things that will help you to nurture them and make you into a better person. But with that, you’re definitely going to learn bad things which will too help you make you a better person by analyzing the right solutions for it. Learning about your fears of intimacy, similarly control issues that surfaces with your partner, will cause abundant personal growth - enhancing your ability to love. Everything good or bad about you is going to come out in a relationship, but once you learn about it, you can take into account, work on it, and add it into your better personality checklist.


The more you learn to take responsibility for your own feelings - learning to like yourself, care for yourself, make yourself feel special and valued - the more you will desire a relationship so as to share your love instead of getting love. Contrary to what many of the people believe, it isn't the getting of love that takes away loneliness, however it’s the sharing of love. The most profound and delightful experience in life is that the sharing of love. Sharing your love in a relationship is all about thinking about your partner more than yourself. You share your living space, comfort escape, dinner plans, and friends’ nights out. You split responsibilities, expenses, and personal moments. You learn how to give a little and how to get a little; the process of give and take. This allows you to learn and make yourself a better person because you’re showing your love, you’re being flexible, you’re ready to adapt and you’re expressing that you care enough to work together. Considering the feelings of the other person leads you to develop a bond of connection, affection, and reliability.


However we won't be able to share our love unless we have love within ourselves. After we learn to fill ourselves amorously from our "Source" - no matter that's from a person, nature, spirit, God, the energy of the universe - then we tend to come back to our partner with inner fullness instead of inner emptiness. In such a situation, we won’t need a partner to complete us, we need to share our completeness with our partner. When two individuals come together in a relationship to get love instead of learning, healing and sharing love, there's a high chance that their relationship will not last.

With each partner attempting to get loved and filled by his / her partner, and neither one of them have learnt to love and fill themselves, the relationship will undeniably be foiled.



The real reasons to be in a relationship are:


· I have lots of love to offer and that I need to share it with a partner, who also has a lot to offer. Possibly, we'd have kids with whom we would share our love.

· I want to learn and grow with somebody who conjointly needs to learn and grow as an individual and a partner.

· I want to share time, fellowship, lovemaking, laughter and play with somebody with whom I feel deeply connected.

If you tune within and honestly raise yourself with why you would like a relationship, and you discover yourself on the first instead of on the second, do not overthink. All you’ve to do is to learn how to love yourself and fill yourself amorously.

It's important to comprehend that we tend to attract individuals at our common level of understanding - that is that the level of taking personal responsibility for our happiness and wellbeing or at the common level of self-abandonment. Given this reality, you've got a much better probability of making a healthy and loving relationship with a partner.

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